Showing posts with label birth trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth trauma. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Physical Recovery After CBAC

Artwork by Molly Remer, from Brigid's Grove Etsy Shop
Recently, we have been talking about Cesarean Birth After Cesarean, or CBAC (some people prefer Cesarean Surgery After Cesarean, or CSAC). This is when someone wants and works for a VBAC but doesn't have one. Usually it means that she labored but ended up with a repeat cesarean, but sometimes it can involve an unwanted planned repeat cesarean that was done for medical indications or because of unsupportive providers. It is the unwanted aspect of it that is most important.

As we have discussed, everyone celebrates a VBAC but many CBAC mothers feel alone and unsupported, both in their physical and emotional recovery. This needs to change.

As part of our CBAC emphasis this past month, I shared my CBAC story a few weeks ago, as well as the CBAC support website I created to discuss the many feelings that a CBAC can involve and some ideas for working through them. I also wrote a 3-part series for the Science and Sensibility blog that discusses how birth professionals can better support people who have had a CBAC:
  • Part One - CBAC: A Unique Grief
  • Part Two - CBAC: The Forgotten Mothers
  • Part Three - CBAC: Supporting Women When VBAC Doesn't Happen
For the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN), I wrote a brochure on CBAC so birth professionals have something to give the CBAC mother immediately afterwards to help support her emotional journey. And I will be recording several webinars for ICAN about CBAC as well.

For my last posts in this series here on this blog, I'd like to focus on physical healing after a CBAC, what you might be feeling after a CBAC, and some things you might do to help in  your emotional healing as well. As always, take what works for you and leave the rest behind.

Physical Recovery

Having a CBAC is hard. Usually it involves recovering from both the rigors of labor and major surgery, and of course recovery can be harder after multiple cesareans. In addition, CBAC mothers have a higher incidence of complications like infections and bleeding, and about 2% experience significant morbidity.

It is hard to process emotions when your body is struggling to heal. Many women find it is helpful to focus first on physical recovery after a CBAC. Here are some ideas to help promote physical recovery.
  • Rest as much as you can. The most potent tool for physical healing is rest. If you are doing too much, your body must divert energy from its recovery. It can be hard to get enough rest with a new baby, but with the support of others, you can prioritize as much rest as circumstances allow
  • Ask for help. Don't be afraid to enlist help from friends, family, your partner, or a post-partum doula. Others should be doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and caring for other children; your priority is to feed the baby and sleep as much as possible at first 
  • Take pain meds when needed - Don't neglect pain medication post-partum; you've had surgery. Take them a little bit early, before the pain gets ahead of you. Taper them off over time, but don't be afraid to take them for as long as you need them
  • Set up your home to make recovery easier. Have all the supplies you need right at hand, including a water bottle, the phone, extra diapers and burp cloths, healthy snacks, a footstool, and extra pillows to make positioning more comfortable. Include some entertainment for yourself (a book, the TV remote, music) for those moments when baby just won't let you get up
  • Eat healthy. Your body needs help to repair tissue and replace lost fluids. Get plenty of iron-rich and vitamin C foods and stay well-hydrated to replenish your blood supply. Adequate protein plus vitamins A and E are important in helping to rebuild tissue. Let others feed you, but keep around plenty of easy snack foods like string cheese, nuts, fresh and dried fruit, and pre-sliced vegetables to make grabbing a bite easier while caring for the baby
  • Don't go back to your regular schedule too quickly - Many women go back to a normal schedule too soon after a baby is born, and their body lets them know it's too soon with increased bleeding and pain. Respect what your body is telling you. Take it easy for as long as you can once you get home from the hospital
None of these hints is a magic pill that will wipe away all pain and difficulty. You still will have a surgical recovery, with all the pain and fatigue that entails. Although CBACs are usually harder than primary cesareans, not all are hard. Some have an easy recovery. Others have more difficult recoveries, and a few have very complicated recoveries. Let's talk more about these. 

Dealing with Complications

Although major injuries are quite unusual after CBAC, they do sometimes occur. Women who have experienced major physical trauma (like severe bleeding, significant infection, severe scar tissue, surgical injury to nearby organs, uterine rupture, or hysterectomy) will need significant support as they recover.

If you have experienced complications, it is important to take recovery slowly, since set-backs can easily occur. Get as much rest as possible and seek out complementary therapies like acupuncture, chiropractic, Maya Abdominal Massage, physical therapy, or nutritional counseling to help support your recovery.

Bleeding 

One study found that about 35% of CBAC women experienced significant bleeding, while other studies have found much lower rates. Differing thresholds for defining hemorrhage explains many of these differences, but blood loss is a real risk to be aware of.

If you experienced significant bleeding during your labor or cesarean, have your provider check you for anemia. Being anemic can make healing more difficult, impair milk supply, and prolong fatigue, yet many providers are not proactive about monitoring for this. Taking extra iron, eating iron-rich foods, and taking supplements like Floradix can help your iron levels recover. Women with hypothyroidism may have more trouble with anemia and should probably be extra proactive about this and have additional tests.

If you experienced a major hemorrhage, you should be watched for Sheehan's Syndrome. This is when part of the pituitary gland dies due to a relative lack of blood supply to the area if a hemorrhage happens during childbirth. This can impact milk supply negatively and eventually lead to secondary thyroid dysfunction and many other distressing symptoms. Sheehan's Syndrome often doesn't present fully until years later, sometimes not fully triggered until a successive health crisis (surgery, infection) causes an adrenal crisis. If you experienced a major hemorrhage during your birth, be aware of the symptoms of Sheehan's Syndrome and be ready to advocate for testing if needed.

Infection 

Women who have a cesarean after a VBAC trial of labor have increased rates of infectious morbidity. One study found that 25% of CBAC women experienced chorioamnionitis afterwards, although other studies have found lower rates.

If you experienced a major infection after your CBAC, this can involve a long hard healing process. If you are still in the hospital (or are readmitted later), ask about IV antibiotics instead of oral ones, and ask for a consult with a wound or infection specialist.

Some women have had better healing on an infected cesarean wound using a wound vacuum (Negative Pressure Wound Therapy, NPWT), while others have found it painful and not very useful. Basically it sucks out fluids and infection and draws more blood to the area to improve healing. Bandages are changed about 3x/week, which some women find quite painful; be sure to take your pain meds at least an hour ahead of time. Some people report that using alcohol between the skin and the bandage ahead of time can help remove adhesive tape more easily, and infusing saline first into the sponge inside the wound can ease its removal considerably.

Medical-grade honey is another option (FDA-approved) that has shown some promise in limited studies. It is rarely utilized for cesarean wound issues in first-world countries, but can be another option to consider if you do not want the wound vacuum or find it too painful. You might have to strongly advocate for it since it is used more often in non-obstetric wounds and most OBs won't be familiar with it.

If you are heavy, ask about using weight-based dosing for your antibiotics. Not all antibiotics need weight-based dosing but many do, yet the research shows that the majority of doctors tend to under-dose patients of size, especially those with a very high BMI. Research also shows that "obese" people benefit significantly from longer courses of antibiotics, IV antibiotics instead of just oral ones, and more frequent dosing regimens, so ask your care provider to consider these options too.

Scar Tissue and Nerve Damage

Some women develop significant internal scar tissue (adhesions); the more cesareans you have, the more at risk for adhesions you are. One study found that 46% of women with three or more cesareans had developed "dense" adhesions. These types of adhesions can lead to significant pelvic pain, difficult menstruation, and even bowel obstructions.

Severe cases of adhesions may require additional surgery to break them up. Although this has the risk of creating more adhesions, some women find significant relief with it. Other women are able to address pelvic pain from adhesions through physical therapy, massage, yoga, acupuncture, and Maya Abdominal Massage techniques, which can help loosen and break up the scar tissue.

Some women experience long-term numbness after their cesarean from nerve damage. Although this has little medical significance, it can have significant emotional significance to the woman involved, who may mourn loss of sensation in the area. Sometimes an "itching" feeling can be felt from the inside, even though scratching on the outside does not help. The loss of sensation in the area around the scar is often cited by cesarean mothers as one of the more distressing results of their cesareans. Again, the techniques above may help loosen scar tissue and restore some degree of nerve function.

Injuries to Nearby Organs

Because the uterus is located in the abdomen, one of the risks of surgical birth is injury to nearby organs like the bladder and bowels. This is not a big risk, but if it happens to you it is a big deal.

One study found an incidence of 0.86% of bladder injuries in women who had a CBAC after a trial of labor. Although this risk is low, it does increase in the face of prior cesareans, especially if dense adhesions are present. It is also increased in the face of induction and augmentation.

Sometimes these injuries occur for other reasons. One CSAC mother I know shares her story of recovery after a severe surgical injury by a doctor who was angry with her for laboring "so long":
My bladder was severely damaged through a surgical error during my CSAC. The surgical error was made in an O.R. environment of carelessness and anger that I had fought against CSAC and labored for so long (~60 hours).
Things that helped me recover were: Time, innate stubbornness, acupuncture to help my bladder relearn how to contract after surgical reconstruction, EMDR therapy for PTSD, and antidepressants. My recovery was long and so hard and 7 years later I can finally see the progress I've made.
Uterine Rupture

Uterine rupture is rare but it does happen occasionally. When it happens, it can be absolutely devastating, emotionally and physically. Although usually the rupture is able to be dealt with in a way that preserves both the uterus and the baby, in worst case scenarios the uterus, the baby, or both may be lost. The mother can be left with tremendous physical and emotional trauma.

Obviously, the mother will need to watch for many of the complications listed above. Sheehan's syndrome in particular should be monitored for. Once the initial healing is over, the mother may feel better physically with some of the complementary therapies listed above.

There are groups that specialize in support for women who have had a uterine rupture. You can find more information about these groups here and here. Please also look into the resource groups listed below that help women deal with birth trauma.

Hysterectomy

Women who have a CBAC are at increased risk for hysterectomy, although the absolute risk for this is also low. In one study, about 1% of CBAC women had a hysterectomy during labor.

Of course, if you are among that 1%, it feels like a very personal risk. To lose your uterus and all future childbearing potential is a tremendous grief. Even though the hysterectomy may have been necessary, it still can be traumatic to recover from physically. Hormonal changes due to the hysterectomy may intensify both the physical and emotional recovery. Find a sympathetic care provider to help ease you through these changes. A naturopath or a doctor with a more "alternative" mindset may be your best bet. Acupuncture may also help ease these changes.

Unfortunately, there are not a lot of resources available specifically for women who experience hysterectomy after a trial of labor. There are groups that offer support after hysterectomies in general; these groups can be found here and here. If you search on these sites for "hysterectomy during childbirth" you will find other women who have had similar experiences. Here is a link to an article on coping with unexpected hysterectomies.

Women who lose their uterus during childbirth may develop symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There are a number of organizations out there who can help women dealing with PTSD after childbirth, including Solace for Mothers and others listed below.

Conclusion

The good news is that research shows that the rate of significant complications after a CBAC is quite low. Medically speaking, most CBAC mothers will experience a pretty unremarkable recovery.

However, recovering from a cesarean is always a challenge, especially when you already have older children to take care of. Many mothers try to do too much too soon and end up delaying their recovery and exhausting themselves. It's important to remember that you've had major surgery and to let others take care of you as much as possible.

If you experienced a complication after a CBAC, that can make your recovery, both physical and emotional, harder. Even more difficult are the rare but very serious complications like injuries to adjacent organs, uterine rupture, or hysterectomy. If this has happened to you, please be sure to get extra support for your physical healing and personal support for your emotional healing.

Although most women benefit from focusing first on their immediate physical recovery, sometimes the emotions of a CBAC are so overwhelming that they need to be addressed right away in conjunction with the physical healing.

If you feel overwhelmed emotionally, find a way to debrief the birth as soon as you can. This can be with your providers (if they are supportive), with a doula, with a birth-friendly therapist, or with your partner. The important thing is to find someone who is truly supportive and emotionally safe to speak to, not someone who will downplay your emotions or tell you to "just get over it."

Finding a support group of like-minded women who have been through a similar experience is also vital in dealing with birth trauma. See the resources below for links to birth trauma resources and support groups.

More on emotional recovery in the next post in the CBAC series.


Resources

Emotional Support for CBAC Mothers:
Emotional Support After a Difficult Birth:
References 

*Note: The medical community uses the term "failed" in the following abstracts. Do not let their terminology bring you down. We are NOT failures and we did not fail. 

Scifres CM, Rohn A, Odibo A, Stamilio D, Macones GA. Predicting significant maternal morbidity in women attempting vaginal birth after cesarean section. Am J Perinatol 2011 Mar;28(3):181-6. PMID: 20842616
...We set out to identify factors that are predictive of major morbidity in women who attempt VBAC. A nested case-control study was performed within a large retrospective cohort study of women with a history of at least one cesarean. Women who attempted VBAC were identified and those who experienced at least one complication of a composite adverse outcome consisting of uterine rupture, bladder injury, and bowel injury (cases) were compared with those who did not experience one of these adverse outcomes (controls)...Of 25,005 women with a history of previous cesarean, 13,706 (54.9%) attempted VBAC. The composite outcome occurred in 300 (2.1%) women attempting VBAC. Using logistic regression analysis, prior abdominal surgery (odds ratio [OR] 1.58, 95% confidence interval [CI] 1.2 to 2.1), augmented labor (OR 1.78, 95% CI 1.29 to 2.46), and induction of labor (OR 2.03, 95% CI 1.48 to 2.76) were associated with an increased risk of the composite outcome. Prior vaginal delivery (OR 0.39, 95% CI 0.29 to 0.54) was associated with decreased risk for the composite outcome...Women attempting VBAC with a history of abdominal surgery or those who undergo augmentation or induction of labor are at an increased risk for major maternal morbidity, and women with a prior vaginal delivery have a decreased risk of major morbidity. The multivariable model developed cannot accurately predict major maternal morbidity.
Obstet Gynecol. 2006 Jul;108(1):21-6. Maternal complications associated with multiple cesarean deliveries. Nisenblat V1, Barak S, Griness OB, Degani S, Ohel G, Gonen R. PMID: 16816051
...The records of women who underwent two or more planned cesarean deliveries between 2000 and 2005 were reviewed. We compared maternal complications occurring in 277 women after three or more cesarean deliveries (multiple-cesarean group) with those occurring in 491 women after second cesarean delivery (second-cesarean group). RESULTS: Excessive blood loss (7.9% versus 3.3%; P < .005), difficult delivery of the neonate (5.1% versus 0.2%; P < .001), and dense adhesions (46.1% versus 25.6%; P < .001) were significantly more common in the multiple-cesarean group. Placenta accreta (1.4%) and hysterectomy (1.1%) were more common, but not significantly so, in the multiple-cesarean group. The proportion of women having any major complication was higher in the multiple-cesarean group, 8.7% versus 4.3% (P = .013), and increased with the delivery index number: 4.3%, 7.5%, and 12.5% for second, third, and fourth or more cesarean delivery, respectively (P for trend = .004). CONCLUSION: Multiple cesarean deliveries are associated with more difficult surgery and increased blood loss compared with a second planned cesarean delivery. The risk of major complications increases with cesarean delivery number.
Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2007 Jun;196(6):583.e1-5; discussion 583.e5. Perinatal outcomes after successful and failed trials of labor after cesarean delivery. El-Sayed YY1, Watkins MM, Fix M, Druzin ML, Pullen KM, Caughey AB. PMID: 17547905
...Matched maternal and neonatal data from 1993-1999 in women with singleton term pregnancies with prior cesarean undergoing trial of labor were reviewed. Women with uterine rupture were excluded. Maternal and neonatal outcomes were analyzed for successful and failed trials. Predictors of success and failure were examined. RESULTS: 1284 women and their neonates were available for analysis. 1094 (85.2%) had a vaginal birth and 190 (14.8%) underwent repeat cesarean. Failed trials of labor were associated with higher incidence of choriamnionitis (25.8% vs. 5.5%, P<.001), postpartum hemorrhage (35.8% vs. 15.8%, P<.001), hysterectomy (1% vs. 0%, P=.022), neonatal jaundice (17.4% vs.10.2%, P=.004) and composite major neonatal morbidities (6.3% vs. 2.8%, P=.014). CONCLUSION: Failed trial of labor in women at term with prior cesarean is associated with increased maternal and neonatal morbidities.




Friday, November 13, 2015

My CBAC series on Science and Sensibility


This month, we are talking about Cesarean Birth After Cesarean, or CBAC.

CBAC is the preferred term for when a mother works for and wants a VBAC but ends up with another cesarean. Medical researchers usually call this a "failed" VBAC or a "failed trial of labor after cesarean" but this terminology is insensitive. Women who did not get a VBAC are not failures. The reality of birth is much grayer than a black-or-white, success-or-failure binary equation.

I had a CBAC with my second child, as I wrote about on this blog last week. Although I did go on to have two VBACs afterwards, the CBAC experience left a strong imprint on my soul, and pointed out to me the need to improve our emotional support for women who experience one.

In honor of this topic, I wrote a 3-part series on Supporting Women When VBAC Doesn't Happen, and it was published over on the childbirth blog, Science and Sensibility. The different posts include:
  • Part One: A Unique Grief - discusses how a CBAC is not the same as a primary cesarean or a planned repeat cesarean that was gladly chosen, as well as the vacuum of support that many CBAC mothers experience from care providers, friends and family, and the birth community 
  • Part Two: The Forgotten Mothers - discusses how CBAC mothers are largely ignored in medical research, reviews what little research there is on CBAC, and discusses what we can learn from it and from CBAC mothers' experiences
  • Part Three: Supporting CBAC Mothers - discusses concrete suggestions on how birth professionals and friends/family can support CBAC mothers

There is also a new brochure on CBAC that I helped write for the International Cesarean Awareness Network. This gives birth professionals something concrete to give to new CBAC mothers. (There are other ideas for supporting CBAC mothers available in Part 3 of the Science and Sensibility series linked above.)

In addition, I helped write a new CBAC support website, using materials brainstormed by CBAC moms for a workshop I did at an ICAN conference.

I am also offering two webinars on CBAC for ICAN this month (they will be listed with ICAN once they have been recorded; members can access them afterwards). One is for folks in the birth field to learn how to support CBAC women more effectively, and the other is for CBAC mothers themselves.


When I had my CBAC so many years ago, there was a real dearth of information on supporting CBAC mothers. No one knew how to help, and I got precious little support. Eventually we built a community of CBAC moms who helped each other. Together we brainstormed what kind of support was and was not helpful. We built the support network that we needed. It didn't take the pain and disappointment away of course, but it helped ease the process of coming to terms with it.

Far too often, there is still a dearth of support for CBAC mothers because few people know what support resources exist. My hope is that this Science and Sensibility series, the new brochure, the new website, and the webinars can help fill in gap, along with ICAN's Facebook support page.

But this shouldn't be the end of it. We need to continue to dialogue on what's needed to improve support for CBAC moms. However, that dialogue won't happen if other folks in the birth community are not aware of these concerns or have no concrete ideas on how to help.

So please, go check out the series and "like" or "share" it on Facebook and other social media. Make sure that people in the birth field, whether care providers, doulas, advocates, or moms themselves, have access to the message about improving support for CBAC moms.

Let's make sure that women who don't get a VBAC know that they are not alone and that all the work they put in their pregnancy and towards their birth still counts. ALL women deserve support; let's raise awareness of the needs of CBAC mothers and reach out to them with kindness and empathy as they work towards emotionally processing the experience and integrating it into their lives. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Cesarean Birth After Cesarean, 18 Years Later

Image from Wikimedia Commons, here
  Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. –Helen Keller

This month, we are focusing on CBAC, or Cesarean Birth After Cesarean. The following was expanded from an article written for the Spring 2015 Clarion, a publication of the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN), now appearing on the ICAN blog

My CBAC Story

Eighteen years ago, my second child was born. He was born by repeat cesarean after a long, hard “trial of labor” which included 5 hours of pushing with no progress because he was big and posterior with an upright (“military”) head position.

I’ve second-guessed that birth for many years. It’s possible that if we’d pushed even longer, his head would have molded enough to fit through my pelvis and turn anterior on the perineum, as many posterior babies do. However, at that point, I was absolutely exhausted, in a lot of pain, and was worried about the wisdom of continuing when things had gone so long without progress. I knew a non-progressing labor was a risk factor for rupture, plus my baby had experienced some issues with his heart rate. They resolved, but I didn’t want to go into a repeat cesarean in true emergency mode because of a rupture or fetal distress, and emotionally I needed to make sure that I didn’t have an anesthesia failure like I did with my first cesarean.

At that point, I just had a strong sense of Inner Knowing that it was time to be prudent and stop before things became a real emergency. I believe I made the right decision, but it was hard to communicate that to my husband and support team. My doula treated me like I had wimped out and thrown in the towel too easily. I never heard from her again after the cesarean. It was clear she viewed me as a failure.

I dreaded having to go back to my VBAC groups and tell them I’d had a CBAC, but I gritted my teeth and did it anyway. I got some sympathetic responses, but mostly I got a lot of silence or tepid responses that felt judgmental. No one knew how to reply to someone who hadn’t gotten their VBAC . 

Over the years, there was a lot of armchair quarterbacking about my decisions. People meant well, but I was left feeling pretty unsupported. And I didn’t feel I could really emotionally process the birth fully in birth spaces because I was afraid of discouraging new mothers or those planning their VBACs. No one wants to hear about when VBAC doesn’t work out.

Eventually I was able to access some resources that helped me emotionally process my first two births. It took a lot of hard, emotionally grueling work, but in time I came to peace with those births, and I did have two VBACs afterwards. 

In some ways, the CBAC was healing from my highly traumatic first cesarean, but in other ways it would always remain hard, even though I felt like it was a prudent and wise call under the circumstances. My consolation was my precious child, but his birth would always remain bittersweet to me in some ways, especially because of the initial lack of support. And that led me to trying to improve support for other women who had difficult or traumatic births, especially CBAC mothers. 

Expanding CBAC Support

If about 75% of labors after cesarean end up with a VBAC, that means that about 25% of these labors end with another cesarean. Where is the support for women who have an undesired second cesarean? Where is the acknowledgement of all the work they put in towards a VBAC, the hours of labor, the pain, the worry? Does all that preparation and work not count if you don’t end up with a VBAC? 

In time, I began to realize there was a vacuum of support for the mothers who didn’t VBAC. It wasn’t just about my own experience anymore, but also about other moms. How could we make it so that all mothers felt supported, regardless of outcome? Shouldn't we offer emotional support after any cesarean, whether it’s your first or another one?

I wasn’t the only one, of course. A number of us shared this experience of another unwanted cesarean, including people in the leadership of ICAN, and we began to talk about how to offer better support. One of the first things we did was ditch the terms used in the medical literature, terms like “Failed VBAC” or “Failed Trial of Labor After Cesarean.” We felt this was too judgmental and insensitive. We were not “failures,” we did not fail, and we should not have been on trial.

We created the term Cesarean Birth After Cesarean (CBAC) as a more mother-friendly alternative. It refers to a cesarean that occurs when the mother really wanted and worked for a VBAC but didn’t get one. These women had different emotional needs than those who wanted a repeat cesarean, and terminology needed to reflect that difference. So we used “CBAC” to differentiate another unwanted cesarean from Elective Repeat Cesarean Section (ERCS), where women truly wanted another cesarean and voluntarily chose it. Neither one is good or bad; they are simply different experiences.

There are many shades of CBAC. Most of the time, it refers to someone who labored and ended with another cesarean, but it can also refer to a cesarean performed before labor for medical reasons, because the mother had no choice, or because the mother was coerced or scared into a repeat cesarean. Some women prefer "CSAC" (Cesarean Surgery After Cesarean) because they consider the term “birth” too emotionally loaded. Women get to choose the term that seems right for their own experience. The important thing is to acknowledge and validate the range of feelings that women have over this experience.

Of course, all CBAC mothers are not alike. Having the shared experience of a CBAC doesn’t mean other details of our situations are similar. Each CBAC is unique, and each carries its own particular color and resonance of pain. 

Some had disappointing or traumatic experiences, and some didn't. Some felt very betrayed by their caregivers, while others had very supportive caregivers. Some felt they had a “prudent CBAC,” where although it was difficult, a repeat cesarean felt like the right choice under the circumstances. Some had an “empowered CBAC,” where even though there was disappointment and sadness, there was powerful learning and healing too.  

Some CBAC mothers go on to have a VBAC eventually, while others never do. Some have multiple CBACs, each with their own emotional resonance. Some have a VBAC and then a CBAC, which has its own particular pain. A few have had the bitter experience of having lasting physical and emotional damage from their CBAC, including uterine rupture, hysterectomy, and damage to or loss of their baby. As always, each person’s experience is different and unique, and each CBAC mother needs safe space to process all the varying feelings about those experiences. But this can be difficult to do within regular birth forums.

Some people don’t think there needs to be any separate support for CBAC mothers (“a cesarean is a cesarean”), and to this day, many of us with CBACs still have our decisions questioned and second-guessed in birth forums. Although many doubters have come around to offer more support, CBAC still remains a topic of friction at times within the birth community. This needs to change. 

New CBAC Resources

Over the years, we have tried to expand resources for CBAC mothers. We have offered several CBAC sessions at ICAN conferences and at local chapter meetings, and until recently we had a Yahoo group for online support. 

In 2011, I offered a CBAC workshop at the St. Louis ICAN conference. The session was derived from discussions by mothers on the Yahoo CBAC Support Group, and many graciously consented to sharing their thoughts and quotes to help others. At that session, we brainstormed ways to offer further support for CBAC moms. 

One of the main ideas was to have an online website devoted to CBAC support and information. So last year, Melek Speros, Catherine Kowalik Harper, and I created a CBAC Support website, based on my material from the 2011 workshop and suggestions I got there. On this site, we share CBAC research, websites where CBAC moms can go for emotional healing, information on the unique emotional needs of CBAC mothers, suggestions for processing a CBAC, CBAC birth stories, inspirational quotes for healing, and suggestions for birth professionals to help them better support CBAC mothers. 

ICAN has also created a new online support group via a Facebook page for CBAC mothers. This is a closed group; you have to be a CBAC mother to join. It offers intensive, personal support for those dealing with the aftermath of a CBAC. 

ICAN is also about to publish a brand-new brochure on CBAC. It is intended for ICAN leaders and other birth professionals who may encounter a woman who has recently had a CBAC and is in need of extra support. We encourage birth professionals to include this brochure in a resource packet that they can send to women shortly after a CBAC so these mothers realize that they are not alone, that others have walked the CBAC trail and survived, and that there are resources for further support if they want it. 

In future years, I hope we can create even more ways to help support CBAC mothers. If you have other suggestions for how we can do that, please add them in the comments section. 

Final Thoughts

Eighteen years after my own CBAC, it remains a potent memory. My sweet little boy is a strong and independent man now, flying off on new adventures, but his birth is still a touchstone for many different emotions. Although I did eventually go on to have 2 VBACs after the CBAC, those experiences didn’t "fix" the CBAC or make it go away. They simply are different entities – not better or worse, just different. Although there are things I still mourn about my CBAC, I have learned to honor all my birth experiences, difficult or easy, because they are a big part of the person I am today.

The lessons I learned from my CBAC remain powerful and still resonate in my life. My CBAC helped me to be more compassionate about other people’s births, to recognize that sometimes there are just things that are beyond our control in the moment. It helped me to realize that sometimes birth is more about the willingness to heal and change; that birth is more about the journey and less about the destination. 

In time I learned to honor both the disappointment and the joy in all my births, to remember that what counts most is the parenting we do throughout life rather than how we birth, but also that how we feel about our births counts, even years later. Our deep love for our children is a different and separate thing from our emotions about their births, and while these things intertwine, one does not take away from the other. We can honor the disappointment and mourn the difficulty of a birth while still celebrating and fiercely loving the child that came from that birth. 

I found that out of my suffering came the ability to transform pain into advocacy. I found my voice in a new and potent way, and I have endeavored to channel the power of that voice to create change, as well as to create and hold safe space for other women and their unique experiences.

A CBAC is never an easy thing. The pain and disappointment of it stays with you forever, but like other grief, it does ease some and you find a way to live with it, just as you find a way to live with other disappointments in your life. You can celebrate certain aspects of it, you can mourn parts of it, you can still be upset that it occurred, but you honor what it has brought to your life, both difficult and wonderful. 

You also learn that in time, out of the pain and conflicting emotions that accompany a difficult experience, there can also come great growth and power to create change for yourself and others. Just give yourself the gift of time and space for that healing. It will come.