Another gem from My OB Said What?!?
I keep trying to swear off repeating these here on my blog, but they just make too many of my points for me to resist, plus it's just important to fully document incidents like this. So here's another one:
I keep trying to swear off repeating these here on my blog, but they just make too many of my points for me to resist, plus it's just important to fully document incidents like this. So here's another one:
“Oh my goodness! Do you know you’re overweight? Have you tried to diet and exercise??"
– OB immediately upon entering the room and meeting a mother for the first time. The mother was in the process of miscarrying a 16 week pregnancy
I'm not even going to start commenting on this one, it's so wrong on so many levels. Urgh.
Commenters, go for it. What do you want to say to this doctor?
Commenters, go for it. What do you want to say to this doctor?
I just love when people state the obvious. *rolling my eyes*
ReplyDeleteIn my most recent pregnancy I had a new OB who started off all of her answers to my questions with the phrase "Well, given your weight...".
I live in this body every day. I KNOW that I'm obese. I know that it *can* play a role in how my pregnancy plays out... you don't need to remind me every stinkin' time.
(Sorry for the rant. I saw this one on My OB Said What, but didn't get around to saying my piece)
The biotchy part of me wants to say "Oh my goodness! Do you know you're a jackass? Have you tried charm school?"
I think "you've got to be fucking kidding me" would work for me. Followed by, "I just lost a baby, and you walk in here and start bullying me for my weight? If you don't want to be hit with a malpractice suit, you've gotta do better than that."
ReplyDeleteHere is what I would answer if I weren't too upset to think:"If it was good enough for Rembrandt, it is good enough for me."
ReplyDeleteThis is what I probably should answer:"Could you please concentrate on the problems I have with my pregnancy? I'd happily discuss weight issues with you at another appointment."
An this is what I did answer in a similar situation last year:"I dieted and exercised obsessively from age 12 to age 25. Then I had psychotherapy for several years, because worrying about my weight took up so much time, I could hardly concentrate on my job. Establishing a normal eating pattern was hard work. I am not going to ruin it."
Needless to say, the doctor insisted I should diet anyway...
Wow, if I were a family member of that person (or the person herself), I'd be reporting the doctor to the state's licensing board SO FAST. I hope that doctor faced some kind of punishment beyond merely losing patients.
ReplyDeleteIt is SO NOT THE TIME to bring up issues of weight when someone is miscarrying. (Not that it ever really is, unless the patient brings them up, but still: I'm amazed at how cruel and uncompassionate the doctor seemed in that situation.)
"Oh my goodness, do you know that you are an empathy-challenged condescending nitwit? Have you tried therapy? Now get me a doctor here at once."
ReplyDeleteA gal can dream.
I believe Miss Manners' all-purpose outraged response is appropriate in this situation: "How DARE you?!"
ReplyDeleteFollowed by: "I want a different doctor. NOW."
Followed up with later by a letter to the physician and the practice manager describing what happened and why it was offensive.
I just wanted to thank you for writing here - I'm starting to plan for a first pregnancy next year with my husband, and I heard a lot of scary things before I came to this site. I suffer from Binge Eating Disorder and am very obese as a result, but I have no other health conditions. My dietician recently told me that many obese women have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies, and it was the first time in my life anyone had ever said it. (Kudos to her.)
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray that all will go well for me, and I will be reading through your site!
I just wanted to thank you for writing here - I'm starting to plan for a first pregnancy next year with my husband, and I heard a lot of scary things before I came to this site. I suffer from Binge Eating Disorder and am very obese as a result, but I have no other health conditions. My dietician recently told me that many obese women have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies, and it was the first time in my life anyone had ever said it. (Kudos to her.)
ReplyDeleteIs THAT what I'M paying YOU for? You are definitely overpaid with that assessment. And frankly, I'd rather pay someone with a bedside manner. You're fired!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Stephenie, I am 33 years old and pregnant with my first. I am due 12/25/12 so I am about 13-14 weeks along. I am 5'4, I weighted 310 and lost 30lbs right before I got pregnant, in the beginning my weight stayed consistent and I recently gain about 2 lbs, however in the past 2 weeks or so my pants have become uncomfortable to wear and my upper part of my stomach right below my breasts has really started to "pop" out, I'm not worried about anything being wrong I just wonder if it's truly possible that I am starting to show? I worry that I will not look pregnant, I have been wearing a lot of dresses and maternity tops, my pants have been fixed with the belly belt and the belly bands. My OB has in no way made me feel uncomfortable about my weight she just mentioned that I should try to not gain over 35lbs and to try to get some exercise and eat a variety of foods...NO DIETING!My husband tells me to just relax and to try to not stress about it, I am pregnant and it is OK to look how I look right now. Your blog has helped me a bit I just feel like maybe I am not supposed to look this "BIG" right now. Any feedback would be awesome!
ReplyDeleteEvery person is different and will start to show at different times. It really comes down to stomach muscles, if yours are looser than others you will show earlier. Just like women carrying there second or third child show sooner. It could also be possible that your carrying twins. Either way don't worry!
DeleteThat's sick! I would have screamed "Leave now!"...then sue!
ReplyDeleteI am pregnant with my second and since my first I've gained about 30lbs. I am 5'-11" 304lbs and I have a lot more belly fat now. Anyway. A lot has changed from 2006 pregnancy. I lost my job. I work on and off but unfortunately not with a company willing to commit to me, thereby my insurance is different. My OB was amazing but she didn't take my current insurance. When I happily became pregnant with my 2nd I spent hours researching, calling and setting up appointments with OB's. I had been disappointed every time. The prejudice is clear to me from the moment the doctor comes in. No I am not diabete, yes I eat veges, no I don't drink soda. I cried like a baby, for days, when I couldn't get my prior OB. Finally, I called her again and this time I mentioned I was pregnant. They work it out for me. The last appointment was heaven. She is so gentle and knowledgable that the thought of having another OB almost landed me in a depression. To the woman out there: Don't allow the abuse! This is about you and your unborn child who needs you to be brave and demand the BEST prenatal care with the utmost respect! You deserve it!
Maita
I'm so glad to have found this blog! My OB nightmare: http://spawningthoughts.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/how-not-to-treat-a-pregnant-patient/
ReplyDeleteDoctors have no idea how hurtful their comments are. You can even tell sometimes that a doctor is looking at you like you're almost dead already. I am a human being who is hurting. Obese patients don't need you to heap abuse on them any more than cancer patients or any other sick person.
ReplyDeleteWhat really angers me is doctors don't even have an answer for weight loss, or this whole country wouldn't be getting fatter. Doctors are FAILURES at treating our disease. Even my friends that have had weight loss surgery are gaining it back. I've been battling obesity since I was 5 yrs. old. I've had three weight losses over 50 lbs, but it comes back!
I went to the doctor today with a complaint that was not related to obesity and he tried to guilt me into getting better. I think about getting better non-stop my whole life! I remember being 7 yrs old and imagining how great it would be if I could wake up one day being a normal size. And now I am terrified of leaving my husband and child due to obesity. It is all I think about and I don't think there is an answer. So don't try to guilt me like it never even occurred to me that I might die prematurely. So patronizing! But I don't say anything because what's the point, he's not my usual doc anyway.
Oh, by the way, I had a healthy baby girl in February. I was 276 when I got preggo. Gained 50 lbs even though my goal was to gain nothing, LOL! I used to feel like I was destined not to get pregnant because I was obese (it only took 2 months TTC and I was 38 yrs old) and I thought my baby would not be born healthy (she was the picture of health all through pregnancy and still today at 7 mo. old). So stay positive!!! That's my best advice, y'all!